My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
