I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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