Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
