yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
