She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
