Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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