If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize