your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
