I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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