if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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