were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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