the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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