So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
