so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
