VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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