Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
