do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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