Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if only i could text you this smell
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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