no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
