We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
