Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
