I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
