Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
