At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
