You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
