Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
