STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
