I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
