I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
