Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
