You don't have asthma, your pregnant
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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