He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need a burrito and a hug.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
