it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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