My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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