I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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