biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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