A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
