Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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