When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
