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go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
