i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
