K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my liver is dry heaving
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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