Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
