So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
