i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
