Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
