If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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