I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
