Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
