I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
