It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fuck appropriateness.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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