Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
