Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
