Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
