It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
