my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize