is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
