so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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