last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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