He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
