Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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