Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
