I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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