ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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