Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
