I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
