She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
