barbara walters just said penis...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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